The Early Adventures of Mama Bear / Child Advocate

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.

— Tenneva Jordan

I have always believed that a parent needs to be the strongest advocate for his or her child. After all, if you aren’t, who will be?

Our daughter is now 29. Only over recent years she has begun to refer to me as “Mama Bear.” I take this as quite the compliment. Unlike a “Helicopter Mom” who unnecessarily hovers over her child, a Mama Bear is a fierce protector. My daughter, calling me this now, is more a mature recognition of how I was a powerful advocate for her early on, when she first struggled with Bipolar Disorder, and even now, at times—but only when she requests my help.

Today I want to talk about my first Mama Bear moment. My daughter wasn’t there to witness it, but had she been, I’m sure she would have approved—even though she was only two at the time!

I had joined a group for parents of young children. A local woman’s organization created the group to help new parents improve their parenting skills. There were ten mothers in the class; all but one were first-time moms. One mother was clearly looked up to by others. She was outspoken and opinionated. But most importantly, she was the mother of three young children, so her ideas were taken as gospel—no matter how misguided I thought they were.

Worst Parenting Idea Ever!

One of this mom’s parenting ideas was to keep a plate of opened, different flavored popsicles in the freezer. Her children were free to take a popsicle at any time. If they took a few licks and no longer wanted it, they could simply put it back and take another. She said it taught them that there were infinite possibilities in the world.

Several mothers practically gasped with admiration for the idea. Personally, I thought it taught children that there were no consequences to decisions. Let alone spread germs. But I kept quiet; I didn’t care to become the unpopular mom in class.

Second Worst Idea Ever!

About two months later, we were at our last group meeting. The group leader said she thought it would be a nice ending if everyone named something they especially loved about their child. We went around the circle as each mother gave their brief response.

After we all had a chance to answer, the mother of three spoke up.

“I have an idea,” she said. “I think we should all go around the circle and now say something we don’t like about our child. After all, it’s important that we recognize and admit that our child isn’t perfect.”

I screamed to myself, “That’s the worst idea I ever heard.” All the other moms thought this was the perfect way to end the class. So, one by one, each mom gave a reason she disliked her kid.  I was last to get a turn.

When all eyes were on me, I simply said, “I really don’t know what to say. There’s nothing I dislike about my child.”

I honestly felt that way.

Some of the other mothers looked at me with slight anger. A few with admiration.

One pressed, “There has to be something you don’t like about her.” But I just stuck with my answer, even at the risk of gaining the wrath of moms who had just told tales out of school about their kids.

The Mama Bear Rule

I always try to live by this rule: “Say nothing about yourself that you don’t want someone else to repeat.” I don’t remember when I first heard this advice, but I believe it is wise.

And any Mama Bear will let you know that this rule extends to their children, as well.